literally had 100 drinks last night.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
