Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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