Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
