Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
