My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
