it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
