the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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