is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
