Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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