You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
