why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
