PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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