He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
