Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
