I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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