I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
