It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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