the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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