What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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