She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
