at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
