Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
