I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
