You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
