I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
