oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
