Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
