Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
