Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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