I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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