yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
