we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
