She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
