Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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