he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
