If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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