there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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