just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize