You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
