I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
