Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
