I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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