What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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