i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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