I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize