This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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