your thong is hanging out like whoa
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
