so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
