He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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