That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize