Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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