alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
