Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
