Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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