it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
