I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
