dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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