Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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