Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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