i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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