I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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