U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
