You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize