Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
