I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
