I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
