The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
