Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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