I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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