I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
