I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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