you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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